Lessons for the Ladies

The theme of female instruction in the latest batch of texts is hard to miss. Men obviously had a clear idea of what they wanted in a woman—in so many words, eighteenth-century perfection (as they defined it). I have to smile in response to Alphonso’s fluffy description of “sweet little beings, with voices as melodious as the notes of the nightingale…whose hearts are as pure as the falling snow-drop.” I can hardly imagine this delicate woman, and it is a wonder to me that anyone viewed Alphonso’s ideal as attainable.

The bottom line in these instructive texts is that a woman is to learn how to please men. She is not to be a prude or a coquette, because—as Alphonso puts it—“both are equally disagreeable to our sex.” In contrast to early eighteenth-century texts, there is no pretense that the rules for female behavior are dictated by religious statutes. The highest power in this text is the man, and gratifying his desires is the key to becoming a woman of excellent character. Walking the fine line between flirting too much and flirting too little is a tough charge, and the following paragraphs' assertion that a woman must demurely accept the flattery of “suspicious” men reveals the double standard for the sexes.

Alphonso urges women to “exert your talents most successfully in benefiting society,” but the definition of female talents is strictly limited by gender roles. Fitting employment for women is, unsurprisingly, confined within the domestic sphere. The man handled the more “hardy exercises." For a woman to engage her mind or body in any activity outside her prescribed position is to commit the cardinal sin of "offend[ing] her husband."

Just as a woman is limited physically to hearth and home, there is also a limit to her mental education. She should acquire a healthy “knowledge of the human heart and the graceful accomplishments.” I assume this refers to the type of things a woman could learn at finishing school—like an appreciation for music and art, maybe a bit of poetry, and certainly a flair for table setting. However, she is not to wander too close to the realm of academia. While women are encouraged to read books that will furnish them with “valuable treasures of knowledge,” I have to wonder what kind of knowledge Alphonso means. (Were there books on table setting?) Just a few sentences earlier, he warns that a “predilection for the sciences” is undesirable and will distract women from their familial duties, so the higher planes of knowledge are reserved for men. Yet, women are not to turn to “fictitious nonsense” or become overly attached to books. Alphonso’s instruction seems riddled with subtle contradictions (a characteristic of much of “An Address to the Ladies”), and I'm still not sure what or how much he wants his ideal woman to read.

In examining our current texts, the message that consistently surprises me is that if a woman follows male advice faithfully, she will achieve personal fulfillment. Alphonso claims that his utmost desire is to see women happy. However, the difficulty of living up to male standards doesn’t seem like a surefire recipe for bliss.